Communion Shock! I Took the Bread & Didn't Die – Plus: Grandma's Terrified of Tarot!

I just participated in communion for the first time since fully deconstructing, and to my surprise, I did not immediately collapse dead. This was a Baptist or non-denominational style communion, generally understood to be more relaxed than the Catholic variety. Yet, from childhood, the practice was instilled as profoundly sacred, not to be taken lightly.

The teaching was clear: do not partake if you are not a true believer or haven't fully reconciled with God. For years, a subconscious fear haunted me. I worried that if I harbored any hidden sin, intentional or accidental, before the bread or grape juice touched my lips, I could face grave judgment.

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Recently, I found myself back in church with family during Communion Sunday. To avoid uncomfortable questions, I simply went along with the ritual. What struck me was the profound sense of liberation. There was no internal guilt, no conflict, no somber prayers, just a quiet ease.

And I'm still here. One person online reacted to this newfound freedom with humor, observing, "If people who didn’t fully subscribe to their denomination’s teaching collapsed dead at Communion, then lots of churches would need full morgues on standby every Sunday."

Another individual, living in the heavily Baptist South, shared a clever workaround for navigating religious family without outright confrontation. They explained, "I got ordained through the University Life Church to preform a siblings wedding," and now, when asked about their church, they simply state they belong to the Universal Life Church, which has "church in the name" and works "quite well for me."

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This story of breaking free from communion fear resonates deeply with another, more prolonged struggle. Imagine an 80-year-old who has journeyed through countless spiritual paths: raised Protestant, then agnostic, scared into a 'born-again' phase, briefly Catholic, then pagan and Wiccan, before returning to a general theist viewpoint.

This individual even felt drawn back to Catholicism after Pope Leo. But here's the catch: for 40 years, she has been in a stable throuple – a definite no-go in most Christian denominations. Recently, an online Catholic priest brought up "demons and scary things" in connection with tarot cards, which she had enjoyed during her pagan phase.

Now, despite ordering a "cutest deck ever: Taste Buddies Tarot," she is afraid to read them. She believes in a benevolent higher power, angels, and positive beings, yet these lingering Christian fears hold her captive. She desperately seeks help in breaking free from these deeply ingrained anxieties.

These two narratives, while distinct, share a common thread: the powerful, often persistent grip of religious fear, even when logic or personal conviction suggests otherwise. Our hosts on "Holy Smoke" dig into these stories, debating the nature of deconstruction and the lifelong journey to spiritual freedom.