DM Forces Player to Roleplay Child Persona in Adult Seductress's Body, Then Demands She Play 'Spell Slot Vending Machine' Artificer
DM Forces Player to Roleplay Child Persona in Adult Seductress's Body, Then Demands She Play 'Spell Slot Vending Machine' Artificer · Avonetics
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The invitation sounded like redemption. After fleeing a toxic group she'd been DMing herself, a 21-year-old player and her boyfriend accepted a seat at a stranger's Discord table. Level five. Fresh characters. She brought Noella — a blue tiefling bard-cleric of Leira, goddess of deception, built on the Faceless background. At twelve, Noella had been inducted into Leira's cult, shed her birth name Lily, and become someone new. Lily died so Noella could live. Her boyfriend played a warlock-paladin of Loki. The premise: their gods sent them to hunt a mysterious figure across unknown lands.
The target, they discovered mid-session, was another player at the table. A druid. The scenario was rigged — the quarry could hear the hunters' every step; the hunters heard nothing.
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Then the DM, called Randy, rewrote the rules.
"Your gods have forsaken you," he declared. Three curses per player. First: every spell slot burned was gone forever. Recovery required an artificer — he later admitted he wanted an all-artificer party — to surgically graft a replacement slot onto the character's body. Five pounds per graft. Second: divine connection severed. No advantages, no god-touched features, no switching deities. "It wouldn't be fair to your old god." Third: personalized curses.
The druid: permanently intoxicated, nonfunctional. The boyfriend: 1d6 psychic damage whenever he lied, cast a spell, or thought of Loki. Eleven damage in three minutes of play. The narrator: Noella would randomly swap personas. Lily, the twelve-year-old she'd left behind, would surface in her adult body. Uncontrollably. In a seductress's wardrobe. No costume changes permitted.
She asked for a different curse. Randy refused. "Just make two character sheets. I was pretty much gonna make you make two anyways."
She tried monk, barbarian, fighter, rogue, wizard, a homebrew class. Every attempt rejected. Finally Randy laid it bare: "You are going to play an artificer. Specifically one that takes the custom feat I made so you can give [boyfriend] and [other player] their spell slots when I decide it's her turn to play."
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Not a party member. A vending machine.
She and her boyfriend left that night. They haven't heard from Randy since.
One commenter said the spell-slot graft alone proves the DM doesn't understand what spell slots are. Another called it a court-order offense: some GMs should never touch a screen again. A third noted the Faceless background doesn't work this way — it's a hidden identity, not dissociative identity disorder — and that forced dual sheets only function with player consent. The DM's visible excitement about the twelve-year-old body, multiple voices agreed, reframes the mechanical incompetence as intent.
The hosts of Off Script dig into this story on the podcast.
