'I Found My Boyfriend's Secret Excel Sheet — And My Bedroom Performance Was Color-Coded'
'I Found My Boyfriend's Secret Excel Sheet — And My Bedroom Performance Was Color-Coded' · Avonetics
Late-night bedroom confessions usually involve hidden desires or unexpected romantic drama, but a recently exposed intimacy dilemma revolves around pivot tables, conditional formatting, and performance metrics.
A woman shared her total disbelief online after accidentally discovering a password-protected spreadsheet on her partner's computer titled with her own initials. Upon cracking the file, she found a meticulously maintained ledger detailing every single intimate encounter the couple had shared over their two-year relationship.
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The spreadsheet logged dates, duration down to the minute, specific physical positions, and a letter grade ranging from A to F. Crucially, the document also featured a color-coded column dedicated to reasons provided whenever an attempt at physical intimacy was turned down.
Reactions to the discovery ranged from absolute horror to awkward sympathy. One commenter noted that being audited like a corporate employee during a quarterly review is the ultimate mood killer, arguing that no human being can feel genuine desire while worrying about being scored on a curve.
Your brand, right here.Reach story-obsessed listeners in 45+ languages → advertise on AvoneticsAnother observer took a completely different approach, suggesting that the partner might be on the neurodivergent spectrum or suffering from severe relationship anxiety. For some analytical minds, tracking data is the only way they know how to process feeling neglected or misunderstood, transforming messy human emotions into clean, predictable numbers.
Despite the varying perspectives on *why* someone would spend their free time making formulas for their sex life, the general consensus remains clear: intimacy thrives on spontaneity, vulnerability, and mutual trust. Turning the bedroom into a data lab usually guarantees that the lab gets shut down for good.
On the latest episode of Under The Covers, the hosts break down every row, column, and awkward formula of this bedroom drama.
