My Ex and I Were Terrible, But the Sex? Unforgettable. Why I'm Grieving Only the Physical Intimacy

Breaking up is rarely easy, but for one individual, the pain isn't about the person they lost, but the incredible physical connection they shared. Two days post-split, they confess, "While it was a short relationship and we were terrible for each other, I can’t stop thinking about the physical intimacy."

The focus isn't on missed dates or shared dreams, but on two pressing, agonizing questions: "Would I ever experience such amazing sexual intimacy and pleasure again?" and "Who would he be going around and hooking up with now?"

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The emotional struggle is profound. "I just can’t imagine him pleasuring anyone else," they share. Knowing their ex's "commitment phobic" nature and past desires to "fuck around," the thought of him now being free to do so is a torment. "Now that he’s single again, these feelings are at an all time high and my mind cannot stop racing."

Intellectually, they understand he's free to do as he pleases, but that rational thought offers no comfort. "Grieving the good memories is one thing but i’ve never grieved sex with someone AND constantly wondered/imagined another girl with them in bed and felt pained about it." The exhaustion is palpable: "I am tired. Please give some advice ugh."

The struggle resonates with many. One commenter wisely observes, "You are not grieving him. You are grieving good chemistry attached to a bad decision." They emphasize that "amazing sex" does not equate to a "compatible partner," suggesting it was simply "two bodies that happened to work well together" without deeper connection.

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Another individual offers a therapeutic perspective: "Intimacy is a two way street meaning you were responsible for 50% of that connection." This insight implies that the unique intimacy isn't solely dependent on the ex, but on what the narrator brings to the table, promising that "you’ll always be bringing that 50% to the table with you" in future relationships.

Others empathize with the specific ache. "I get this because my sexual compatibility with my ex person was a 12/10. I keep thinking about him with other people and it makes me sick," one person shares, validating the narrator's unique brand of heartbreak. Another shares a journey through similar feelings: "This aspect was the greatest attachment. At first I did a lot of comparing to him. It was excruciating. It took over a year. I’m completely free of that feeling now. I hope this brings you some hope."

However, not all reactions are sympathetic. One critical voice questions the narrator's priorities: "The fact that you are still worried for good sex instead of the break up says a lot about you, I hope no innocent soul meets a girl like you, kinda feeling sad for your future partner." This perspective suggests a deeper issue with the narrator's emotional landscape.

This raw and relatable story brings to light the complex, often confusing, emotions that can surface after a breakup, particularly when the physical connection outshines the emotional one. Our hosts dig into this very real dilemma on the podcast.