23 and Isolated: Why Forcing Yourself to 'Go to Cafés Alone' Might Be Ruining Your Mental Health

At 23 years old, the pressure to figure out adulthood can feel overwhelming. But for a growing number of young adults, the most exhausting part of daily life isn't work or school—it's the relentless social media advice telling them to take themselves on "solo coffee dates" and "treat themselves to museum trips."

One young adult recently shared a candid reality check that resonated with thousands. Sitting in a quiet bedroom, overwhelmed by guilt over staying inside, they decided to follow the popular advice. They bought the solo coffees. They walked through art galleries alone. They took solitary hikes.

The verdict? They hated every second of it.

Rather than feeling empowered, sitting alone in crowded spaces surrounded by groups of friends only heightened their sense of isolation. With no close friends, very little money, and limited university classes, their daily existence felt entirely aimless. The realization hit hard: forcing aimless public outings without a real purpose wasn't healing—it was depressing.

The story has ignited a wider conversation about quarter-life isolation and how young people should actually navigate lonely chapters.

One camp of observers strongly validated the step back from performative solo activities. One commenter noted that there is absolutely nothing inherently productive about sitting in a café alone if you find it miserable. They argued that the real issue isn't being indoors, but rather a lack of structured, predictable social environments. For adult friendships to form, repetition is key. Joining weekly recurring events—like dance classes, intramural sports, or volunteering—creates natural opportunities for connection that aimless solo walking simply cannot match.

However, a second group offered a firmer perspective on personal accountability. Another person pointed out that hiding indoors while waiting for future plans—like a new job or a class starting next month—is a dangerous trap. They argued that building personal momentum through solo goals, whether running, picking up a practical skill, or attending open community events, is vital for mental health. Relying entirely on future external events to fix an internal sense of purpose can leave someone vulnerable if those events fall short.

Ultimately, the situation highlights a crucial truth for anyone struggling with adult isolation: self-care isn't one-size-fits-all. Pushing yourself into performative routines you despise won't build confidence, but hiding away from the world completely won't either. The middle ground lies in finding structured, purposeful activities that align with who you actually are.

Our hosts dissect this entire story and debate the ultimate solution to young adult isolation on this week's episode of Level Up.